Disappointment

This week has been a tough one for me. It started out so optimistic. There was news all over my adoption blogs that a new list of waiting children was going to be posted this week. Since we are close to the top of our agencies waiting child list that meant that we could get a call. The list was posted late Tuesday night and so far we have not gotten "the call". I have not been 3 feet away from my phone in days (I admit, I am carrying it around in my bra) and I have been glued to the computer whenever possible trying to figure out what is going on. The last news I heard is that their were mostly boys and older children added this month and all the girls with minor special needs were already spoken for. There is a possibility that more children will be added over a few day period...if not we'll move on to next month. The Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs has been posting new lists about once a month. I know it is for the best because it will give me a little extra time this fall to get some work in during our busiest time of the year before I have to take time off. I am a Territory Sales Manager for a pool chemical company by the way.

So how do I feel? Bad, I feel bad...there I said it. Hard to admit for an optimist like myself. This is not just about this week, this is years of longing to have another child culminating into what seems this week to be endless waiting. My husband Jimmy could tell you more about how bad I feel he has had to listen to it, poor man. My son could tell you how bad I feel because he has had to deal with me being pretty irritable. I will snap out of it, in fact today is already better than yesterday. It's funny, any time someone asks me how the adoption is going I am always super positive, mainly because it is all so hard to explain everything. But here I can be honest and say that it is difficult to get through the waiting. The picture is me with my beautiful niece Madison.